I don't mind a hater,but I can't stand fake bi*ches

[Ika / Diva]

you missed this  didn't you



A blonde and a redhead have a ranch.
They have just lost their bull.
The women need to buy another, but only have $500.
The redhead tells the blonde,
"I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount.
If I can, I will send you a telegram.
" She goes to the market and finds one for $499.
Having only one dollar left,
she goes to the telegraph office and finds
out that it costs one dollar per word.
She is stumped on how to tell the blonde
to bring the truck and trailer.
Finally, she tells the telegraph operator
to send the word "comfortable."
Skeptical, the operator asks,
"How will she know to come with
the trailer from just that word?"


The redhead replies,
"She's a blonde so she reads slow: 

SPOILER: Click to show

'Come for ta bull.'"

thanks by Sexy...

[Ika / Diva]

I'm sad can someone make me smile today... I think I posted all my funny ones need some back up ☝

[Rachelle Diamond]

Ika / Diva Roro got ur back Today's Smile of the Day comes to you as a true story from this past summer lol.

I was walking home from the bus stop and saw that a bunch of kids had established this lemonade stand spanning across the sidewalk. There was no possible way to avoid them without literally stepping out into oncoming traffic. (A possibility which crossed my mind. That's right. I'm more drawn to playing real-life Frogger than I am to talking to children.)

I made brief eye contact with the mom standing with them. Her eyes said "You will buy this lemonade. And you will LIKE it."

My eyes responded: "Dear God, I'm trapped."

In my defense, I didn't even have any cash on me and I'm pretty sure that they didn't have a debit terminal hiding behind their folding patio table. So yeah, I was in full 'fight or flight' mode by this point.

When I was so close that there was no possible hope for escaping this I pulled out my phone, held it up to my ear as if I had just received a phone call and solemnly (but loudly) proclaimed: "Hey... Yeah I've had a terrible day. My... cat... died. So I just want to be left alone...."

I walked right past the kids and the mother, continuing to talk about my fictitious dead cat until I was safely at the door of my house, just to be sure that my lie would go unrevealed.

And then I reached for my house key and realized that I left it on my kitchen table lol. Karma yo. So I spent the afternoon living in my garage (shoutout to shilpa). THEN I found a toonie in my pocket and realized that I could have, in fact, just bought the lemonade.

And that is the story of how I needlessly, accidentally killed my nonexistent cat in my continued efforts to avoid uncomfortable interactions with children.

Thanks by Roro

[shir]

Omfg. I thought this was a joke till you gave shilpa a shoutout lmao.

[Ika / Diva]

shir are you using taptalk I don't see the link posted like it was for season 9 and AS

[shir]

What do you mean by link?
And yeah, I'm using tapatalk.

[Ika / Diva]

Roro I think that was one hell of a story loved it....

[Ika / Diva]

I was using it for AS because I saw a banner on the board when I logged in I have not seen a banner for this season yet

[shir]

Oh. Idk. I downloaded it from the App Store.

[Ika / Diva]

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He decides that he would like to wear a costume that conceals his slightly odd appearance, but can't think of any costumes that would look good and do the job. Out of ideas, he writes a note to a costume company explaining his issue. A few days later a package arrives with a note:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is a terrible idea because they have emphasized his wooden leg, so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head. So again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint.

The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.